This happens more than I'll ever admit.

Me: You’re really starting to agitate me. Why don’t you sit down and have a Coke and a smile.
Person: I don’t drink Coke.
Me: It’s of no consequence. What I was politely inferring was you hushing your mouth so do that now please.
Person: You’re impolite.
Me: A very astute observation. Do you find the keen sense useful?
Person: Quite.
Me: Observe this then, my son. [index finger pressed to lips in a shushing gesture] How do you feel about that?
Person: Not good.
Me: The desired outcome was achieved.
Person: Why do you do that?
Me: I do it out of love.
Person: I don’t get it.
Me: Not surprising.
Person: What’s happening here? Why are you having a fictional conversation with yourself?
Me: With the realization that I’m talking to myself, does responding to my questions make me crazy?
Person: You’ve knowingly been doing that this whole time.
Me: You are a very smart man.
Person: I am you and you are me. So thank you/me and you're/I'm welcome..
Me: Fascinating. I must confess you are a very handsome man.
Person: Funny I was just about to say the same thing.
Me: Then you most assuredly were going to comment about my manly pecs.
Person: I felt it requisite, yes.
Me: You, sir, are a specimen.
Person: Ditto.
Me: Did you just say ditto?
Person: Well I typed it but whatever. Semantics.
Me: The word ditto I cannot abide.
Person: It seems we’ve encountered a crossroad.
Me: Indeed. What gambit are you considering?
Person: I don’t feel it essential to divulge the details.
Me: Withholding now are we?
Person: It would seem as much.
Me: Stalemate?
Person: You concede so quickly and with minimal force applied. You remind me of a Frenchman I once knew. You know it’s really not much fun making fun of you when you are me.
Me: Agreed but think of the children. Not like the late Michael Jackson but like the collectors of children Angelina Jolie or Madonna would. Lovingly.
Person: Interesting suggestion. Normally at this point I would remind my opponent that he should not forget who is the better and that he ought to graciously bow out before I destroy him. Seeing as though you are my equal, I am on unfamiliar ground. A draw is equivalent to a loss so that can’t happen. What shall I/we do?

…to be continued…or not…we shall see…you don’t care…I don’t care…ellipsis…