A truncated update.

You have yet to learn your lesson. You find yourself here again. Have your recently evaluated your sanity? Don’t do it now because any amount of time spent introspectively reflecting will cause you to click yourself away from this place. Far, far away from this brain rot. That while I jokingly question your good sense for reading this drivel, I really do value the time you and I spend together here. I offer this post/update as way of appreciation. This offering comes with a recommendation. Prozac is highly favored among prescribing doctors as their preferred selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitor (SSRI). If you don’t understand the reason for the recommendation, please see below or any previous entries.*

Let us begin.

FYI, I should be studying for my first test tomorrow. However, I have spent so much time pouring over my notes and books that I long for a boxer to come along and beat my eyes shut so I can no longer look upon them. Then right before I walk into the test I can bravely say to someone named Mick, “Cut me.” I hope the decision to update doesn’t result in me hoping to beat my own eyes shut tomorrow because I didn’t study enough. Me thinks not.

What have I been up to? A racemic mixture of nerding out and dorking out. I just can’t get enough of it, I’m insatiable. It suits me. Why not chase skirts like you used to, Eric? I answer your question with a question then I share an explanatory statement based on my experience. Why have a girlfriend when I have dental school? With dental school, I’m the one that ultimately gets to leave. A welcome change I’m looking forward to experiencing in 4 years. Oh you didn’t get your pity party invite? That’s because I didn’t send them out. Let’s move on.

Day 1

Dissected skin from a cadaver’s thorax and arms. RAD!! Couldn’t ask for a better first day of dental school unless you could cleanse the lab’s air of formaldehyde. That stuff stinks something powerful…at least to me. To the ladies I’ve found it’s quite the contrary. Being wrist deep in a formaldehyde soaked corpse for hours on end is the best way to give off inviting olfactory signals to the ladies. Men, have you been looking for a catalyst that will help your lady friend engage in amorous activities with you? Look no further than your nearest cadaver lab. Optimal results occur from a minimum of 10 hours spent soaking in it. Make it a part of you. Make it your essence. The ladies will soon swarm and will be totally unable to control themselves. Be sure to start packing a rape whistle with you at all times.

Anyone possessing the reasoning power of the spaghetti I just ate should be helped to know I’m kidding. My lab clothes smell like Satan’s breath. Can’t wait to discard those retched things. Gas and match much?

Day 2

Missed a golden opportunity. We were reflecting the pectoralis major and pectoralis minor muscles to access features of the axilla and I dropped the ball. Hard core. If any of you enjoy the movie Willow, you may or may not appreciate this. I thought about unleashing this gem on the way to the lab but completely forgot to do so at the golden moment.

[The scene takes place in the cadaver lab. I, with scalpel in hand, am manning the dissection and am alleviating the pectoralis major of its origin.]

In my best Mad Martigan voice and as I pull back the pectoralis major I say, “Out of the way, pec!”

[…aaaaand scene]

I have a gift for making people sad with my jokes. It’s probably better I didn’t share this particular one. My body may have been on the dissecting table next after my group bludgeoned me with a sock full of pennies. Pray for my group members and those that come in regular contact with me. Pray for tolerance.

Day 3

Dissecting is awesome. The human body is remarkable. How little sheets of tissue are capable of generating awesome amounts of power and also precise movement astounds me. No way our bodies came about by chance by mutations/evolution. A topic for another day perhaps.

Having three days in the lab under my belt brought a disturbing realization. Formaldehyde and the other body preservatives used in the cadaver lab make me hungry. Does that make me weird? I should clarify. It makes me hungry for food. It does not make me consider picking up my cadaver’s limbs and start gnawing on them like a savage.

Skip other days until today.

It is real. I am a real dental student today. I was assigned my first set of instruments. It still blows my mind that one day I will be a doctor. In 4 years, the ladies and I won’t have to pretend to play doctor anymore. It’ll be on for realsies. I'm kidding, mom.

-side note- My roommate is playing FIFA on X-Box and is emitting sounds that suggest his bowels are moving. I think his rectum may have just prolapsed. Poor couch. It’s getting tossed tomorrow.

Who loves terms like septomarginal trabecula, external occipital protuberance, costodiaphragmatic recess? Really? I thought I was the only one. Guess what that makes you? A nerd. Reality is never ordered but always served. Put nerdery in your back pocket and be happy about it.

I have lost my mind. With that realization, I take my leave of you.

*Depression caused from reading this blog is wholly the reader’s financial responsibility to cure. I understand my life is like a car wreck that you just can’t look away from but that doesn’t mean you should laugh at me. No, check that. Yes it does. I laugh at my life and invite you to do the same every time I update.